New York Music Daily Offers Hope for Solving the Flint Water Crisis
Running a music blog is a lot of fun. Everybody sends you the best albums and invites you to the best concerts. You get wined and dined and meet all kinds of celebrities. Do it long enough and you become a celebrity yourself.
Alas, music blogs do not exist in a vacuum. What’s become clear, in nine years of blogging, is that blogs are as much a part of the social fabric as any other media outlet, and have a responsibility beyond simply reporting on what’s good to listen to or see onstage. It’s been a lot of fun…but it’s time to give back.
That’s why New York Music Daily has stepped up to solve the Flint water crisis. In a joint venture with forward-thinking California water solutions firm Carlsbad Desal, New York Music Daily’s new nonprofit will provide Flint residents with clean, safe drinking water for only $2.99 a gallon.
Studies have shown that desalinated Pacific water is of equal or higher quality, compared to many domestic supplies. San Diego County currently uses Carlsbad Desal as its primary drinking water source; San Bernardino has also relied on desalinated Pacific water in the past with good results. Furthermore, coastal Pacific water is rich in escherichia c., a valuable component necessary for human digestion, which isn’t even commonly found in such highly regarded watersheds as the New York City aquifer.
To make our water available to Flint residents on an equal basis, food stamps and WIC will be accepted in addition to debit and credit cards. For those without banking access, especially the homeless, our nonprofit is partnering with Goldman Sachs’ new microcredit subsidiary to issue low-interest payday loans as well as allowing Social Security, public assistance and SSI disability recipients to borrow against future benefits at the same low rates as those who are employed. For Michigan taxpayers, these costs are favorable, compared to the burden of ripping out lead-contaminated infrastructure and reverting to using river water as a primary source.
This initiative also avoids creating a drain on existing water supplies, since Carlsbad Desal’s uptake draws entirely from the Pacific. There’s more to this than just water, too. Remember how we’re performing the alchemy of making pure drinking water out of undrinkable seawater? As you can imagine, there’s a lot of stuff left over from that process, most of it salt. Since the state of California has extremely restrictive, anti-business environmental regulations that prohibit simply dumping that salt back where it came from, that salt has to go somewhere. Well, how about…your kitchen table?
80% of the sea salt sold in supermarkets comes from the Pacific, an ocean loaded with rare mineral salts like cesium and strontium, common in human bone tissue but naturally abundant only in obscure regions of Belarus, Japan and a tiny river island in Pennsylvania. New York Music Daily’s new gourmet brand of Pacific sea salt, LaJolla Heights, will be sold exclusively at Whole Foods for $9.99 per five-ounce designer flute. As with the Flint water, all proceeds go to our charity: any monies received beyond covering the cost of desalination and cross-country shipping will be used to defray advertising and PR expenses to help spread the word about our nonprofit.
Obviously, as a nonprofit, we can’t afford to hire staff, but we are actively seeking interns. Must have own car (Flint doesn’t have much of a public transit system) and speak more-or-less fluent ebonics (Flint is about 90% black). Our team of courageous volunteers will take over a former housing project whose residents were safely evacuated to make room for us. We need painters, carpenters, janitorial specialists, pest control and elevator repair technicians. We’ll also need people to run the new Starbucks which will provide us with the caffeine we’ll need, and will be located in a former community recreation center on the ground floor. And we’re also looking for graffiti artists to put up colorful murals to help us become part of the neighborhood – after all, we want Flint residents to feel at home at their new water center.
We’ve also reached an agreement with Bruce Ratner, future President Trump’s pick to head his new Department of Development, to bring our initiative to other water-endangered communities across the country. See, our next President and his team are going to merge HUD and the Department of the Interior into a single entity dedicated to free-market solutions to matters of restoring unused public land for housing, and bringing gentrification to areas that have yet to experience its benefits.
We would have reached out to Obana’s cabinet, but they’ll all be out of a job in less than a year, so we wanted to get in on the ground floor. The game plan is to build a series of desal plants along the California, Oregon and Washington coast – creating hundreds of jobs in the process – and ideally to bring projects like this to the west coast of Canada and Mexico as well. Unfortunately, we don’t have an “in’ with either the Canadian or Mexican government, so we’ll need lobbying money to do that. And we also need to pay our board of directors. There’s nothing like a good charity to bring people together from both sides of the aisle: Hillary Clinton, Ben Carson and Anthony Wiener have all agreed to serve! Those who’d like to take from the taxman and give to a worthy cause can make a tax-free contribution at our Kickstarter page.
Just think – with a little luck, water-starved parts of the world as faraway as Sudan will be able to benefit from our charitable efforts. Drought will become a thing of the past! And you can help the people of Flint, and hopefully water-starved communities across the country and around the world, by buying our mineral-rich, healthy, delicious gourmet salt at a Whole Foods near you!