In over a year and a half since New York Music Daily was founded, it’s become clear that while this site has experienced some ragged growth, nobody, especially in New York, really cares about good music. That applies across the board – from the record labels who sign the acts, to the acts themselves, the clubs who book them and the fans who come out to see them.
Notice how that last sentence ended: not with fans who go out to hear bands, but fans who are there to SEE popular acts, and be seen themselves. Consider today’s most popular indie bands like Arcade Fire, the Decemberists and Sufjahn Stevens: does anybody really listen to them? Of course not. All those millions of hits on their videos at Youtube, Facebook, etc. are generated by bots, not real human beings (which, by the way, Youtube, Facebook and the other social media sites encourage because all that “traffic” leads media buyers to believe that ads there are not a total waste of money).
So if nobody is listening to these bands, why are they so popular? Because what affluent young people are genuinely interested in is knowing who these bands are and, most importantly, what they look like and what brands they’re wearing. So in order to stay on the cutting edge in a city that every day cares less and less about the arts and more and more about status and fashion, New York Music Daily has partnered with Halliburton, Facebook and Urban Outfitters to create a revolutionary smartphone app: Virtual Music.
Virtual Music is an interactive app that puts you on the front line of knowing who the most popular indie acts are, and tells the world how hip you are, in real time…all with a single click. No listening is involved, whatsoever. Virtual Music, true to its name, is purely virtual, with no sonic component other than advertising. In addition to eliminating the tedious labor of trying to distinguish one popular indie band from another, Virtual Music includes powerful face-recognition technology that works through the camera on your phone. Ever feel left out in Bushwick or at Bonnaroo because you don’t recognize the band onstage? With Virtual Music, you’ll never suffer that kind of embarrassment again: simply point your phone at the stage and through the power of Facebook, you’ll instantly know who they are: names, addresses, age, sexual preference, net worth, and, most importantly, where they shop.
Even better, all this information is delivered to your ears via Siri and automatically saved to your Facebook account so you’ll never lose it. And every time you use it, it automatically sends a Facebook friend request to everyone that you just used the app on! What’s best is that 100% of the information about who you’re checking out is automatically uploaded to your Facebook and Foursquare pages, to prove to the world that you are as hip and happening as everyone else. And of course with that you’ll get exclusive Facebook offers from Urban Outfitters so you can fit in with the latest fashions that everybody’s wearing!
Virtual Music also works on the street! No more staring longingly at a pretty boy and wondering whether he might be interested in you: use your Virtual Music app to find out who he is, how much money he has, who he’s dating or dated and where he shops too! How many times have you met boys you thought were cute…until you discovered they lived in a non-trendy neighborhood, or worked for a living, or had a girlfriend? With Virtual Music, that’ll never happen again. It’s no surprise that Virtual Music has been rated as the “hottest app of 2013” by Pitchfork and Stereogum.
Law enforcement professionals: contact us regarding Virtual Music Pro, which includes a complete dossier on stop-and-frisks, credit report, credit card, debit card, ATM, email and cellphone use, real-time GPS location and history, as well as our exclusive new algorithm to accurately predict terrorist activity, developed in collaboration with the anti-terror experts at Halliburton!