How Not to Get Press Here

Every day, I get about 500 emails from people trying to get me to cover one thing or another. 450 of those I delete right away. How do I know that somebody has just tried to send me a load of garbage? You know the drill: MTV, Jimmy Kimmel, CMJ, Stereogum, Brooklynvegan, Pitchfork, celebrity dj, remix, twee, chipmusic…you get the picture, right? Bands with plural names but no article: “Purges” instead of “The Purges.” Any band who calls themselves “we are,” i.e. We Are Worthless Gentrifiers. Anybody who records under the name of something else, i.e. Trystyn Noel Gingrich, who records under the name Our Boredom Is Unsurpassed. Anybody who’s just been signed to a label and isn’t sufficiently embarrassed to keep it a secret.

Then there are the 50 emails I do look at. A lot of them are concert announcements, which I’ll add to this month’s live music calendar, assuming that whoever sent them remembered to include who’s playing, where and at what time (you’d be surprised how many people don’t). That probably leaves about a dozen. Multiply that by 365 and you get an idea of what us music bloggers have to deal with.

So even though 90% of what people send me is bullshit, there’s still more great music out there than I can cover by myself. On top of that, consider that most of the music that’s featured here is stuff that I find all by myself without any help from anybody other than my circle of friends.

So if you’re a publicist, you probably shouldn’t be here at all. If someone could afford to hire you, your work for your client is probably better spent pitching someone who’s easier to pitch than I am and whose blog might be more popular anyway. If, on the other hand, you have a project – yours or someone else’s – which is too smart, too intense or just plain too weird for any of the media I’ve alluded to here, you might want to shoot something about it this way. Keep it simple – just whatever you feel like communicating, plus a link to streaming audio that loads quickly and plays with no hassle. Please, no fancy flash sites, no private Facebook page, and no Myspace: a Youtube channel or something at Freemusicarchive or Archive.org is best; Soundcloud, Reverbnation, Bandcamp and/or your own fast-loading, easily accessible site with no pop-ups are all fine too. If you’re strictly a live act and you don’t have any studio recordings, that’s ok, let me know when/where you’re playing. If you’re really good, I might just come see you. You can send to lucidculture [at] gmail [dot] com.

To submit a concert for upcoming concert calendar listings, please include the stage time (the time the music starts, not the time the doors open), date, venue and address, cover charge if applicable, appropriate links and brief description of the artist or event. If tickets are available in advance of showdate, please include the address of the box office, and if you know the hours it’s open, please include that information too.

Please DO NOT submit listings for

A) Events that feature lipsynching or prerecorded music instead of a live performance.

B) Anything that costs more than about $35 (exceptions may be made for extraordinary, once-in-a-lifetime events). If you’re charging that much and you’re scrounging for coverage here, you’re in trouble.

C) Ticketed concerts where tickets are not available for cash.

D) Ticketed concerts where credit card customers are given preferential discounts over customers paying cash.

E) Events where there is a ridiculously elaborate or potentially racist dress code. “Shirt and shoes required” is ok. “No baseball hats or baggy clothing” isn’t.